Wanita … How a younger sister sees MLD

FB_IMG_1452703205170 My name is Tarryn and my older sister Wanita was diagnosed with MLD in 2007. She was 16 and I was 14 when she passed away and passed in 2010 from juvenile MLD. I live in South Africa.

She was so loving and so caring. Wanita was a very friendly person who loved everybody she met. It was a very difficult time for me as she was my sister. I grew up with her and I loved her. From her being there all the time to her being gone in a matter of seconds it really took a lot out of me and even 5 years later I still battle to understand it and cope with it. It was a very emotional time for my family and I but one thing I’ll always cherish is the memories we got out of it and the laughs we shared together. Right to the very end she was a happy happy little girl. Even though she was in so much pain she always managed to give us a smile and a little giggle.

I use to find it very difficult to speak about her with other people and explain my feelings toward it. I always managed to break out into tears and be very sensitive about the subject, but as time went on I almost felt like I was just staying in that bad patch and bad place of feeling alone and constantly miserable. I knew if I carried on putting it in the back of my mind that things wouldn’t get better and that I wouldn’t be able to let go. I decided to start slowly and little by little I became ok with speaking about her and listening to stories that was remembered by my family. Although I must admit I still get choked up looking at pictures but I’ve realised that it’s ok it’s not that I’m staying in the past or I’m making myself sad it’s just my way of grieving and I take a bit longer than other people do.

FB_IMG_1452703247833 I miss her everyday and I often wonder what life would be like with an older sister and think of all the things we should have done together. I never got to gossip or go shopping or go to the movies, tell secrets and all the things other sisters get to do with each other.  But I now get to make sure that my other sisters get that kind of attention from me as an older sister to them I try to fill in the missing gaps that were left behind with me when Wanita left.

I still have my difficult days and days where all I do is sleep and cry and hold her teddy. But everyday I know it’s getting better and she’s in a better place in heaven where she’s watching down on me everyday and holding my hand as I take my journey alone in this big bad world.

I miss her with my whole heart but I don’t wish her back here as I know she’s in a better place and she’s happier than she’s ever been in her life

I love you Wita  ❤